'A favour isn’t four years long:' Frustrated sibling stops driving older brother to work, after he breaks promise of using the carpool savings to get driving lessons

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Sep 30, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

The thing about carpooling is that it normally involves a mutual 'you today, me tomorrow?' type of approach. However, this situation seems to entail a lot more 'you todays.' This younger sibling is starting to regret the offer they made over 4 years ago. While allowing their older brother to catch a ride to work with them when working similar shifts, this allowed their brother to cut down on Uber costs and save up for driving lessons, so he would no longer have to rely on his younger sibling.

However, 4 years have now passed, and as you probably guessed: no licence, minimal compensation, and a missing desire for change. So these siblings decided it's time to put their foot on the brakes and refuse to allow their brother to drive with them anymore. She knows siblings should help one another, but she always seems to be the one doing the helping! He claims that all his friends are defending him and can't believe her ungenerous behavior. But what we believe to be slightly more ungenerous is costing your siblings time and money, without ever giving anything back in return. Time to change gears, buddy. The first step is taking responsibility for yourself and not blaming others…and download Uber, while you're at it. 

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  • Unfortunately, the reverse pedal can’t take them back four years…No tension between siblings is ever pleasant, but sometimes caring about someone means teaching them a hard lesson. If his friends have such a problem with that, they can offer to be his personal taxi… we have a feeling it wouldn’t stand the test of time. All the best, man, and always remember to look both ways. 


     

  • 01
    Woman and man driving
    via unaihuizi

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for refusing to carpool without compensation?

    So, I started at the same job as my brother around four years ago. When we were put onto similar shifts he came up with the idea for me to drive him to work (he does. not drive) and he'd pay me half of what he's been spending on uber with the caveat that he'd use the other half he saved to pay for his driving lessons.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 03
    Here we are, four years later. I'm on his shift at 6am and start receiving texts about how I should give him a lift.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 04
    I tried to explain I don't want to, | don't like that I add the extra time on, have to get up earlier and frankly he just wastes the money he saves.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 05
    So I said no, it's not worth it and frankly only for full uber would it be worth it but I still don't want to.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 06
    I start receiving messages about how he's asked all his other friends and they said they'd never charge a friend for a favour, and I explained that a favour isn't four years long and he never got his licence like he said he would.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 07
    I got more texts about favours for friends and how we shouldn't charge people but he gives me money for it so it's ok.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 08
    I said if he's so big on favours, why when I moved two years ago did I have to pay him for that..
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 09
    Eventually I just said no, book an uber and left it The issue in question is, am I right in denying a lift without proper compensation for it even if it's from a family member, or am I the a hole for expecting to be compensated for this?
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 10
    Edit: to answer some common questions, picking him up adds roughly 15 mins to work, and 15 mins home onto my driving (I live very close to work) - he paid 50aud per week (fuel is about 2$aud a litre here give or take, and that's about what it costs to get them and it's either half or less than half what his uber costs would be - the main sticking point is, I don't want to do it.
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 11
    I don't want to get up earlier, be responsible for another person who is my OLDER brother - he also makes more per hour than I do
    via Wizdumb13_
  • 12
    Man getting into Taxi
    via Mizuno K

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Infamous_Hyena_8882 He can ask all the friends he wants and they can all come back and say that you're the bad guy because you won't do it... Let them do it then
    via Infamous_Hyena_8882
  • 14
    cassowary32 NTA. Great, he's queried a bunch of friends willing to give him rides for no money, right? So he should be good to go. 4 years??
    via cassowary32
  • 15
    dancingtomyowntune It's no longer a favour after 4 years. NTA.
    via dancingtomyowntune
  • 16
    wesmorgan1 He's been using you. You owe him nothing. ΝΤΑ. ps> You aren't "carpooling", because people who carpool take turns driving. You are his free taxi service.
    via wesmorgan1
  • 17
    TapEmbarrassed4376 NTA, people that don't have/want a license and are constantly bugging people for rides are the worst.
    via TapEmbarrassed4376
  • 18
    General_Relative2838 NTA. Sometimes the money isn't worth the time and effort. Most of us don't mind doing favors for others once in a while, but having to go out of your way (at least it sounds like it's out of your way) to pick up someone on a daily basis isn't fair.
    via General_Relative2838
  • 19
    Consistent-Bed-3379 I had this happen with my SIL. She didn't take into consideration the extra wear and tear on your car. You will have to get oil changes sooner, tires replaced, etc. he should pay or make other arrangements at this time. Even if it's not out of the way, it adds up.
    via Consistent-Bed-3379
  • 20
    draco84 NTA it doesnt matter if they are family they are using you like an Uber and this is a relationship that you are saying he doesnt reciprocate. I mean if you moved on to another job was he still expecting you to give him a lift?
    via draco84
  • 21
    FragrantNet5963 NTA You are not obligated to do anything for your brother, and his sense of entitlement would be real turnoff to me regarding our relationship.
    via FragrantNet5963
  • 22
    Fearless Ad1685 NTA. You've done this for 4 years and he didn't fulfil his part of the deal. He broke the agreement so you no longer need to keep up your end of the deal. You don't want to do it, don't do it. He's a grown up, he can find his own way to work.
    via Fearless_Ad1685

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favors brother uber siblings carpooling friends askreddit refuses for free four years compensation memebase family younger sister Reddit involvement
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